Absolutely! You might even have a little bit of all five. Here's why:

The closer an argument gets to our core wound, we will have a different protective Fight Language come forward to keep us feeling protected in the argument.

You might start as a Negotiator. Then if the person doesn't accept your help to resolve the conflict, we might switch to the Amplifier Fight Language to make your emotional state SO BIG that a person can't help but become engaged.

High five for personal growth!

Maybe you used to show up in fights as the Ignitor but lately you notice you tend to bring the Analyzer energy to conflicts. This lets you know that the protective shield of a quick and aggressive end to the conflict isn't needed anymore. You've built enough trust with yourself and the people around you to stay in the conversation and try logic-ing your way through.

As you continue to grow and understand more about yourself, don't be surprised if your Fight Language shifts again.

It's the acknowledgement that we are often the biggest antagonist in our lives. And the external conflict we engage in, is a reflection of the internal conflict we were already fighting.

In other words - you're an Amplifier and all day long you're judging your emotional responses, making yourself justify them, doubting your emotions, and generally putting your emotional side down. Then an Analyzer comes along and says "yeah, it's just that your feelings don't really make sense for the situation."

Engage fireworks!

This person just personified the internal conflict that you weren't even consciously aware of. And correcting ourself? Difficult. Correcting someone else? Much more satisfying.

This is why I am a huge proponent of learning how to fight better with yourself (not minimizing, not shaming, not justifying your experience) to have the biggest effect on conflict in all your relationships.

If the Love Languages are how we express the way we want to be loved, then the Fight Languages are how we express the way we want to be understood.

Just start with awareness. Take a deep breath and start noticing the internal dialogue with yourself.

If you want more info on your Fight Language, you can download the Quick Translator.

Take a deeper dive into understanding the Fight Languages by downloading the Fight Language eBook

If you want to become fluent in the Fight Languages, get on the email list for upcoming workshops and classes

If you want to stop fighting with yourself, book a 1:1 session with me.

Stay tuned for the upcoming Fight Language Coach certification.

Here's the thing, fighting isn't bad. It's an exchange of information, and yep, sometimes we do that in harmful ways. But conflict is actually pretty neutral. We have a cultural and societal suggestion that says all fighting is bad and should be avoided at all costs. The reality is though, that conflict is normal, an incredible source of information, and a part of daily life.

My goal isn't for you to stop fighting. My goal is to make your fights productive and have everyone involved feeling more understood.

I used to show up as the classic Negotiator. As I've done my own work with the Fight Languages, it's actually the Amplifier that I find myself expressing the most. Years of being told my emotions were "over the top" means that Amplifier side got muted to a last resort. My final pull-the-rip-cord strategy is the Extinguisher, but I've rarely deployed it.

I know, right?

When I first started mapping out the Fight Languages I thought it made too much sense to not already be in existence. But here we are, on the new frontier of making conflict productive and understanding how we have been protecting ourselves all along. Thanks for coming on this incredible ride with me!

Head over to the shop to order your copy of the Fight Languages book!

It's available as a PDF download here.

It's available as a Kindle eBook or in other formats on Amazon.

Not really related to the Fight Languages, but I do get this one a lot.

Alaska is amazing! 10/10 recommend. You should definitely come visit. Except in January. We're all trying to get out of the state in January. Feel free to invite me to your event scheduled in January, especially if you live in a warm climate.