Remembering the  Full Version of You

Remembering the Full Version of You

There is so much power that is held in remembering the full story of our experience. Not the sanitized version we believe is fit for public consumption.

Throwing open the closet doors that hid the things we tried to only see in our peripheral vision. The things that were able to stay powerful because we kept them just our of our eyesight. They kept growing, strengthen by our uncomfortableness of looking at them. The truths from our past, our parent's past, the truth of our inheritance.
Let's visit the idea of a generational inheritance for a moment. In broad strokes, this is the wounds in your family lineage that never found healing throughout the generations that came before you. These old wounds, harmful beliefs, and unresolved traumas landed in your lap, pleading to be healed. Generations of grief and pain, squarely in your path. Teal Swan once described the difficulty of healing generational trauma in terms of a train. The first generation to experience the trauma started the train. It wasn't going very fast, it was just nudged down the tracks. But each subsequent generation that wasn't able to provide healing and stop passing the trauma down, just pushed a little harder on the gas. By the time the train arrived at your station it is speeding along. So, of course, this is what we find when we start opening the door to our generational inheritance. A speeding train that is so overwhelming to consider stepping in front of.
The best way to navigate this? Be the one who actually acknowledges the train. The one who says "I may not stop it, but at least I won't be putting my foot on the gas by putting blinders on to the fact it exists." This inheritance exists in us all. We come from a lineage with its own unique story and wounds to heal.
“If we are hell bent on forgetting the hurts of the past, then we avoid releasing the vulnerability and shame that is held there as well."
When we take Amy Greene's advice and remember, then we have the opportunity to accept without judgement. When we can accept things as they are, without judgement and without self blame, now we can bring forgiveness into the picture. If we are hell bent on forgetting the hurts of the past, then we avoid releasing the vulnerability and shame that is held there as well. We are subconsciously telling ourselves, and our lineage, that we don't deserve acceptance. Full acceptance. Loved for every unloveable part of ourselves.
Remembering who I was before I contorted to who I thought I needed to be is my symphony to myself. It is an endless piece of music, inherited for my ancestors, with low notes and high ones. All coming together as I remember the song that only I know how to sing. With my lineage standing behind me, proud of my ability to slow the train. And every time I am honest, vulnerable, and open the closet of my insecurity and fear... I am strengthening my voice to sing again. The healing song of bringing love to a place that fear exists for generations.
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